Purse Pups

What's this one about, Freaks? Everywhere I go, I see puppy faces peeking from purses...er, pet carriers...held close to the elbows of their adoring owners, with their heads bobbing like a revival. Do these dogs serve any purpose other than to accessorize their owners? Surely, God had something more worthy in mind for them.

What do they think about while bobbing around Union Square, in Carmel, or at the ballet?

• Put me down--a hydrant, a hydrant!

  What good are crabs? They don't even have bones.

  Why don't they just find taller dancers?

My Auntie Lu is the most awesome gardener in the world. Her fingers are so green that she can grow saplings from buried two-by-fours. Every August she sells LuLu Squash--summer squashes shaped like all kinds of weird things, like cubes, hearts, and crescent moons. The squashes form that way because Auntie Lu grows them from seed in containers of the same shape.

Given that these pooches spend so much time encased, I wonder if, like LuLu Squash, they could grow into the shape of their purses. Interesting product idea, Freaks! Make a note: you could have cylindrical pups (they roll), pyramid pups (they stay put), pups shaped like locomotives (when your tot is out of batteries), and pillow-shaped pups.

What about you, Freaks? Are you grooming yourself to accessorize this world, or are you letting God form your character into the shape it should become? Post your comments, and we'll have a bow-wow.

Arf!